The Wildcat's Den

Just a quick post - I'm at my cousin's in Reno.  Her son is getting baptized tomorrow, so I hitched a ride with my other cousin and her kids and made a weekend of it.  It was a stinking long drive and the kids were pretty rowdy.  But then I pulled out my laptop and we all watched "Doctor Who" between Wendover and Reno (I have a massively good battery - when the battery was dead, we switched to episodes on my iPod).  It's amazing how quiet they were when the Doctor was on the screen (we got through "The Next Doctor" to "The Waters of Mars").  Even the older boy that doesn't really like DW very much enjoyed having something to other than torture his siblings.

Along the way, my Reno cousin called and proposed that I go on a blind date with someone in her ward.  You'd think I'd have learned my lesson last March, but she's really nice and it's not like I can make anything last with this guy (with a six hour drive between us, you see).  But whatever.  I've never been to Reno, so what better way to see the sights, I suppose (yes, everyone's thinking how deprived I am from never having been to Reno /sarcasm).

I'm excited to be visiting... but I have the feeling that it's going to be an exhausting weekend.  In a good way.

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I don't usually answer these things, but this one had my attention.

I haven't had so many actual "break-ups" (in the traditional sense), but I've had some hefty romantic disappointments that have felt like break-ups.  And it's always been the guy doing the actual breaking up.  And I suppose I should count myself lucky that I've never had a big blow-up-style break-up, but I think this weak, awkward "let's be friend" crap is just as bad, if not worse.

Personally (and maybe this is just me being weird), I never want to do the "let's stay friends" thing with a guy that I've dated.  Mostly because at some point in the relationship, I've probably imagined what it would be like if it was permanent and more often than not, I get attached to the idea of the permanence.  Sad, I know.  I don't know how other people avoid doing that.  I wish I didn't because it sucks.  But the really sad part is when HE wants to keep up the "friends" BS and I don't know how to tell him to knock it off without being completely bitchy.  Every time I get a phone call from him or an email or a Facebook message or I actually see him in real life, it reminds me of that happy, giddy "holy crap, this could be THE ONE" feeling and I'm reminded how everything really turned out and I feel embarrassed and idiotic.  So, while he may think that it's okay that we be "friends," I honestly would prefer that he never make contact with me again.  To the result that when I do hear from him, I'm not very nice.  Then, I feel even worse because I know he was just trying to be kind and I threw it back in his face.

The worst phrase in the English language is "Let's be friends" because all it is is a pathetic attempt to soften the blow that would probably be better in the long run if he just kicked me to the curb in the cruelest way possible.  That way, I don't beat myself up into a bloody pulp when I do treat him like scum when he calls or emails (oh gee, isn't this such a happy topic of discussion?  And on Easter Sunday of all days).  Just be abrupt and tell me you don't ever want to see me again.  Emulate the Band-aid method - it's a bit more painful, but it's fast and done with.  Don't feel like you have be bestest best buds just because it somehow eases your conscience.  In reality, it doesn't.  All it does is make life more awkward for the both of us.  To be honest, I really don't feel like I've completely healed over it, even though I act like I have.  "Friends" just prolongs the suffering.

Does this make me a heartless shrew?  Perhaps.  But it's good incentive to never date (and now I want to do a Facebook friends cut... I wonder how you do that...)

 Following the lead of good ol' Strong Bad himself, the fam has just acquired a nice, new shiny desktop computer.  Like, Compy Compe, widescreen, HD awesomeness.  And it doesn't take a whole trimester to load.  It's pretty sweet (and I'm getting the hang of using Windows 7, which makes me want a new laptop all the more - mostly because my Lappy is about to die anyway.  Shiiiiiiiny object...)

Oh, and I have a date next Thursday.  This couple in our branch knows a guy that works at the University of Utah (teaches? works? not sure) in the computer science department.  They asked my dad if they should set me up with him and my dad said go for (without consulting me before he gave permission.  Eh, oh well).

Last night, I was visiting my friend Kathryn and was having a jolly time when my dad called and said that he had relayed my phone number through the couple in our branch to their friend, Tom (and I have yet to learn his last name), who would likely be calling soon.  Much to my chagrin and just being plain nervous about talking to this guy, I agreed (Kathryn was excited as all get out and ready to coach me through the phone call. 10-15 minutes later, my phone rings.  I don't recognize the number, so I figure it's Tom.  After a hurriedly exclaimed "Oh crap, what do I do?!!" I answer and talk to Tom.  He sounds nice, which is the best I can do at this point.  He proposes we meet next Thursday and have dinner at a place yet-to-be-determined, but he'll let me know.  We say good-bye and I hang up.

And Kathryn is bouncing off the freaking wall!  She's got it all planned out - "wear those jeans with your heeled boots - I'll borrow a purse from my niece - oh, you'll need a nice jacket ..." and it continues.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about that.  I'm just glad somebody knows how to dress for success on a date, because I certainly don't.  I'm like the female version of Leonard Hofstadter, PhD, but without the PhD (hm, maybe that's why Leonard is my favorite character on "The Big Bang Theory.")  I have a penchant for making things incredibly awkward and blowing things out of proportion and reading too much into things, which is why I have avoided dating in the hopes that the time-honored tradition of arranged marriages will somehow make a comeback.

Oh, well - maybe this won't be so bad.  Granted, I stress more than is necessary.  It's a wonder I don't have some kind of anxiety disorder (I'm serious - I'm not making fun of people who have this problem.  I've been known to have panic attacks over the most stupid things - but that's another post for another day).

... it's time for an LJ dump!

Letssee...  (ooh ooh - "New Moon" TV spot - pardon the ADD moment... okay, I'm back) ... the actual week was okay - nothing crazy to report.  My second job asked if I could post my articles, which amounts to some extra hours (yay!!)  Then the weekend - I went home because our stake was having big devotional at the Manti Temple (like, in the upper priesthood room; like, a once-in-a-lifetime big deal thing).  That was pretty sweet and I enjoyed it.

Also, we had our family Halloween party (apparently, this tradition started while I was on my mission - it's a tradition I can support, though).  A few nights before, I decided I was going to go as one of the Twilight vampires (didn't have a particular one in mind, just whoever), so I had to scramble for what I needed.  I had makeup (I'm fair-skinned as it is, so I just had to go a little paler) and some cool looking high heeled boots.  I went online to see how to be a Twilight vampire and they all said you had to have colored contacts, which I can see.  But I already wear prescription contacts and getting colored prescription contacts for one night is pretty stupid (I'm NOT going around with yellow eyes in real life).  But - intelligent me, forgot the button-up shirt that I'd found to wear, so I had to turn my Gators shirt inside out (lucky it was black).  But it was cool.  When I go to the Scream on Friday, at least I won't be leaving parts of my costume other places.

(TV-ADD Moment: Oh jeez, these Redskins stink...)

The party was fun - got to see some cousins that I don't always get to see.  Then Saturday, Mom and Dad went to the Utes game and I stayed in Delta with my sisters and the dog (hands down, the dog was better company).

I have a beef, however - Why is it that Utah State's football team, who aren't exactly headed for any championships anytime soon, can get on ESPN, but the two teams in the state that are ranked in the BCS (Utah and BYU) have to cater to the small fish at Versus and Comcast?  We have DirecTV at home and the idiots at Comcast has bought out Versus and said that no one else can carry that channel.  Versus was the ONLY chance Mountain West fans had to watch the games on TV because we have to have that insanely retarded mtn. channel - it's not even big league enough to spell anything out, I'd like to point out (hate you, Dave Checketts, HATE YOU!!!)  It sucks that I can watch every NFL game that I want, but I can't even get a simple local college team on TV.  Sigh... an argument that's been levied for at least three years and probably will be revisited until the rest of forever.  It's like universal health care - no one wants it, but they snuck it through and now that we have it, we can't get rid of it.

Oh well - the Utes won.  BYU got spanked.  Even though they beat BYU, TCU is fast becoming the Patriots of the Mountain West - where the crap did they come from, can we please shut up about them and will the Utes please beat the snot out of them?  I just don't want them beating MY team, that's all.

Oh - my roommate had some fun updates from Steve - I guess he told her mom that we were "good people."  Let the analysis begin!  I guess the way he said it makes this significant.  This means that we must go back and make it a BIGGER visit (not sure what "BIGGER" means - I'm not going in a wedding dress or anything).  But my roommate is taking over the logistics, which is good, because I haven't a clue what to do - if anything should be done at all.  I reiterate: I wouldn't mind getting to know this guy better - he's really cool and had life pretty well figured out.  But how do I do this and not look like a desperate twit?

(TV-ADD Moment - I usually love adaptations of "A Christmas Carol," but this Disney 3D version looks like a hack job just to have a 3D Christmas movie.  Hm...)

And last night, I got back at 12:30 am - and I'm getting a cold (Zicam, NyQuil and orange juice are on hand), so I am wiped out.

Well, that's what's on my mind.  At least, what's on my mind that I could post on LJ and not get my butt kicked by certain people (and they know who they are).  But that's what hard copy journals are for ^_^

Still one of the funniest lines in all of movie history.

I should have thought of this last night, but my losing battle with the kitchen cabinet kind of took precedence. Oh well, never mind, I need a post for tonight (and it's not about football for once!)

( Flux Capacitor... Fluxing )

( What the hell is a jigawatt?!! )

Oh gosh - I am so screwed...

ETA -  This is completely unrelated but I was looking at the Facebook friends of an old friend from high school (we go waaaay back).  She has a boatload of Facebook friends and it was a little surreal to see some of those people.  Oy... high school... flashbacks...  I don't think I want to do that again.... therapy, please....

Today, my roommate, S, invited a bunch of people over for Sunday dinner, which wasn't that big of a deal, except she did it without asking me.  And the people that she invited aren't the kind of people that I like to hang around with.  Oh well, as long at they don't get mad at me for sitting here and watching the first week of football (like I've been planning to do for weeks and weeks) in my jeans and t-shirt while they have a "civilized" "double-date" type dinner in their church clothes (personally, I find it difficult to relax in my nice clothes.  I don't wear church clothes all day on Sunday unless I absolutely have to).  I had my Sunday plans first, which never involve putting together elaborate meals for other people.  The most I'll ever do is throw something in the Crock-Pot before church and tell people to help themselves ("people" here meaning me, myself and I).  Don't get pissed at me because what you did conflicted with what I'm doing.

The depressing thing is that the guys that S invited over are an accurate sampling of the dorky  goobers that live in my apartment complex.  I might have been a little more eager to participate if there were some men that I would want to keep company with.  But these won't shut up about their missions and the subtle intricacies related therein (that we've heard in testimony meeting ad nauseum).  It's all well and good to go on a mission, but when you're home, find something else to get involved with so you have something to relate to with normal people.  Join a book club or go see movies or play fantasy football.  Hell, you could start knitting, I don't care.  Just do something that doesn't involve stupid companion tricks or rabid dogs or Mexican stomach viruses.

And my brother wonders why I don't date.

(Apologies for that short rant, but I spent my Saturday getting crap from my 17-year-old brother because I don't date and that should just "go find a boyfriend" (could anyone please point me to the nearest boyfriend tree so I can find a ripe one?)  Sheesh, I already blindly e-mailed some guy that I've never even met, but I thought it would be a good idea anyway.  Is it my fault that he didn't reply?  I'm just a little torqued off in the relationship department right now.)

Speaking of our national pasttime (well, it should be), my fantasy football team is kicking butt!  Granted, most of my teams have already played and the fantasy team I'm playing against has mostly Dallas Cowboys players (who don't play until later tonight), but I'm quite pleased with myself for doing so well my first week (of course, with my luck, Peyton Manning will be out with the flu next week and my team will completely fold).

(It's so weird seeing the split-screen of the Detroit Lions celebrating their win over the Raiders and the people who found Camille Cleverley's body at the bottom of Bridal Veil Falls.  I haven't been following the story at all, but that was a random observation.)

Pardon my orneriness, but it's been a long weekend.  Don't even get me started on the Utes game.  Stupid offense... I'm redshirting this year.

Puh... I'm gonna go watch Football Night in America now.