Writer's Block: Let's stay friends
Apr. 4th, 2010 12:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jenny_wildcat[Error: unknown template qotd]
I don't usually answer these things, but this one had my attention.
I haven't had so many actual "break-ups" (in the traditional sense), but I've had some hefty romantic disappointments that have felt like break-ups. And it's always been the guy doing the actual breaking up. And I suppose I should count myself lucky that I've never had a big blow-up-style break-up, but I think this weak, awkward "let's be friend" crap is just as bad, if not worse.
Personally (and maybe this is just me being weird), I never want to do the "let's stay friends" thing with a guy that I've dated. Mostly because at some point in the relationship, I've probably imagined what it would be like if it was permanent and more often than not, I get attached to the idea of the permanence. Sad, I know. I don't know how other people avoid doing that. I wish I didn't because it sucks. But the really sad part is when HE wants to keep up the "friends" BS and I don't know how to tell him to knock it off without being completely bitchy. Every time I get a phone call from him or an email or a Facebook message or I actually see him in real life, it reminds me of that happy, giddy "holy crap, this could be THE ONE" feeling and I'm reminded how everything really turned out and I feel embarrassed and idiotic. So, while he may think that it's okay that we be "friends," I honestly would prefer that he never make contact with me again. To the result that when I do hear from him, I'm not very nice. Then, I feel even worse because I know he was just trying to be kind and I threw it back in his face.
The worst phrase in the English language is "Let's be friends" because all it is is a pathetic attempt to soften the blow that would probably be better in the long run if he just kicked me to the curb in the cruelest way possible. That way, I don't beat myself up into a bloody pulp when I do treat him like scum when he calls or emails (oh gee, isn't this such a happy topic of discussion? And on Easter Sunday of all days). Just be abrupt and tell me you don't ever want to see me again. Emulate the Band-aid method - it's a bit more painful, but it's fast and done with. Don't feel like you have be bestest best buds just because it somehow eases your conscience. In reality, it doesn't. All it does is make life more awkward for the both of us. To be honest, I really don't feel like I've completely healed over it, even though I act like I have. "Friends" just prolongs the suffering.
Does this make me a heartless shrew? Perhaps. But it's good incentive to never date (and now I want to do a Facebook friends cut... I wonder how you do that...)
I don't usually answer these things, but this one had my attention.
I haven't had so many actual "break-ups" (in the traditional sense), but I've had some hefty romantic disappointments that have felt like break-ups. And it's always been the guy doing the actual breaking up. And I suppose I should count myself lucky that I've never had a big blow-up-style break-up, but I think this weak, awkward "let's be friend" crap is just as bad, if not worse.
Personally (and maybe this is just me being weird), I never want to do the "let's stay friends" thing with a guy that I've dated. Mostly because at some point in the relationship, I've probably imagined what it would be like if it was permanent and more often than not, I get attached to the idea of the permanence. Sad, I know. I don't know how other people avoid doing that. I wish I didn't because it sucks. But the really sad part is when HE wants to keep up the "friends" BS and I don't know how to tell him to knock it off without being completely bitchy. Every time I get a phone call from him or an email or a Facebook message or I actually see him in real life, it reminds me of that happy, giddy "holy crap, this could be THE ONE" feeling and I'm reminded how everything really turned out and I feel embarrassed and idiotic. So, while he may think that it's okay that we be "friends," I honestly would prefer that he never make contact with me again. To the result that when I do hear from him, I'm not very nice. Then, I feel even worse because I know he was just trying to be kind and I threw it back in his face.
The worst phrase in the English language is "Let's be friends" because all it is is a pathetic attempt to soften the blow that would probably be better in the long run if he just kicked me to the curb in the cruelest way possible. That way, I don't beat myself up into a bloody pulp when I do treat him like scum when he calls or emails (oh gee, isn't this such a happy topic of discussion? And on Easter Sunday of all days). Just be abrupt and tell me you don't ever want to see me again. Emulate the Band-aid method - it's a bit more painful, but it's fast and done with. Don't feel like you have be bestest best buds just because it somehow eases your conscience. In reality, it doesn't. All it does is make life more awkward for the both of us. To be honest, I really don't feel like I've completely healed over it, even though I act like I have. "Friends" just prolongs the suffering.
Does this make me a heartless shrew? Perhaps. But it's good incentive to never date (and now I want to do a Facebook friends cut... I wonder how you do that...)
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no subject
Date: 2010-04-04 07:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-04 10:57 pm (UTC)I've learned that it takes disappointment to realize how immature you really are. Guess it's all part of the growing process.
(LOL to the non-cooking skills ^_^)
no subject
Date: 2010-04-04 07:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-04 10:59 pm (UTC)