Ginormous, Massive, Epic FAIL, Amazon.com!!

[jenny_wildcat]

So, in my last post I mentioned that I was excited for my new external hard drive that I ordered from Amazon.com.  And I'm revisiting yet another topic from over Christmas that I sometimes have problems ordering stuff online because my rural address shows up differently in the USPS database than it does for UPS or FedEx.  Well, it reared it's ugly head yet again (to which I ask, "Why so soon?") I got an email from Amazon saying that they were shipping my $95 external hard drive through UPS (I've been waiting for this to go on sale since I got home in July).

The Problem?  Well, I had put down my USPS address and that doesn't compute for UPS, even though every OTHER TIME I've ordered from Amazon, they've sent it through the US mail.  *headdesk*  This UPS-USPS-FedEx address debacle is driving me nuts.

So, I called UPS to see if I could change the address they sent it to - they told me to call Amazon and get them to do something about it. Called Amazon - some Indian guy answered the phone.  He was nice enough.  I told him my problem and he put me on hold for 15 minutes.  The guy came back and said "Um, be are bery, bery sorry. We are sending your ordah back and you will get a refund and you can reordah your purchase when you get your money back."

Excuse me??  I have to WHAT???  REORDER MY FRICKING PURCHASE??? BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CALL THE DRIVER AND REROUTE THE PACKAGE???  DON'T YOU GUYS HAVE BLACKBERRYS FOR THAT CRAP??  JUST TAKE A MAGIC MARKER AND WRITE MY OTHER ADDRESS ON THE CARDBOARD BOX!!

Oh - did I let Amazon have it!  And then I sent them an email so they could have it some more (I tried to be nice - I did keep the CAPSLOCK OF RAGE to a minimum).  And this is reply I got back (with my color commentary):

Dear Valued Amazon Customer, Oh, so now I'm valued now that I'm pissed off at you

Unfortunately, there is no way to request a specific shipper. We also can't say which carrier is going to ship your order before the ships out. That's why you let your customers choose a shipper, dipwad.  Right under the "Choose a Shipping Speed," put a catch-all option that says "Ship USPS" or whatever.  Naw, DUH!!

At this time, we use the U.S. Postal Service, UPS, FedEx, or a local carrier in your area for most of our standard and express domestic shipping needs. We also use specialty carriers to ship some tools, hardware, and outdoor living items. Please don't use a local carrier for me - it'll be Redneck Larry in his rusted out Chevy with twenty dogs in the pickup bed with my $100 external hard drive bouncing precariously around on the one remaining floorboard.

Our Standard Domestic, Two-Day, or One-Day shipping may be delivered by the U.S. Postal Service, UPS, FedEx, or a local carrier in your area. If you select Two-Day or One-Day Shipping, your package may be delivered by the U.S. Postal Service, UPS, FedEx, OnTrac, or A1 Courier Service. These shipments may be delivered on weekdays or weekends, depending on the carrier. Wait - hold on... wait was that again?? (The these guys could give the IRS lessons in complicating what used to be a simple transaction)

Some exceptionally large or heavy items may be shipped by a specialty carrier such as CEVA, ABF, or Pilot. Finally, Parcel Pool is used for standard deliveries to Alaska and Hawaii, and Dynamex is used for same-day deliveries to Seattle. You mean there are MORE idiots who could potentially lose my order???

It's important for us to know how customers react to all aspects of our service, and I have passed your suggestion along to our shipping department where it will be filed with yesterday's leftover corned beef sandwich. Please know that we value your opinion and will continue to listen and respond to our customers' concerns. We have boring lives and need something hilarious to break the monotony.

Thank you again for shopping at Amazon.com. Half.com had it for cheaper.

It is our absolute commitment to provide you the best possible customer service. Should you need any further assistance with this issue, blah blah blah - click this link so you can feel like you're getting something done and a representative will call you so you can use him as a punching bag and maybe it'll make you feel better, but you still won't have the stuff you ordered.

Best regards,
And it's signed some call center lackey with name that they would not be allowed to fly into the United States with (Thank you, Joan Rivers).

Well, I still don't have my stuff - but that did at least make me feel better (Hey, I was right!)  Maybe if enough people complain, they'll fix it.