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I'll Take Door #2
Oct. 14th, 2006 11:13 pmI just got back from my grandparents' 50th anniversary open house. It was nice: the entertainment was good, the food was good and nobody's head imploded. All in all, it can be considered a success.
Among the guests was my cousin's fiance. This particular cousin is a year younger than myself (this will come in to play later). I have to give her props; he's a pretty okay guy. They're slated to get hitched the day after Thanksgiving (talk about stress) and they're as twitterpated as all get out.
The only downside of this is that my sixteen-year-old brother has to start ragging on me about how I'm 21 and not married or even dating anyone or even looking to so much as go out for pizza with any of the male persuasion. It didn't help that my sister had to leave early for her own "hot date" with some kid from BYU-Idaho who she doesn't even care for, but she gotta be nice and help the poor kid out (probably a recently returned missionary that's still doofy around girls or something). So, my brother asks me, why don't I "just" ask some nice boy out.
Now, see where my brother is coming from: he's sixteen-years-old and has some little cheerleader batting her eyes at him and he's taken a girl to homecoming. All these little petite look-good-in-a-belly-shirt high school sophomores think his country "aw-shucks" humbla charisma is, ahem, Hot Stuff. I, on the other hand, haven't had a date for about seven months (a travesty at a Utah college, especially in a student ward) So, obviously, my brother is the Dr. Phil of dating and I am the fresh psychiatric meat. And the fact that I had little time to prepare a written statement to this interrogation didn't help me state my case. As always, the right words didn't come to me until I was barreling through Sardine Canyon at 10:00 pm and yawning my jaw off, but at least I can post them here:
I am a creature of comfort, and as such, I like to avoid anything that is going to potentially screw up how my life is going. Now, I see people dating and having fun and I go through periods where I wish I could get in on the action. Sometimes (very rarely) I do get in on the action and I can only describe my reaction to the even as that of someone waking up after a hangover - embarrassment, regret, confusion and the ever present desire the never, ever, ever, Ever Do That Again.
Dating is Just Not Fun for me. I don't know what the problem is, but I cannot just go out and have a good time with a mixed group of people where the guy-to-girl ratio just happens to be 1-to-1. There is that ever constant presence of the thought that "This one could be The One." I've tried to get rid of that, but I just can't, no matter how hard I try. A surefire way to ruin the evening is for my involuntary subconcious' annoying habit of constantly putting my first name with his last name. I've tried, but I can't relax in a group that contains guys, a few of which I kinda, sorta like.
The last time I went on a one-on-one date was in March. It was the IWA Girls' Choice Dance. I was sorta of under obligation, as an officer of my chapter, to get a date to set an example for the younger girls. So, I got a date with a guy that was kinda of a friend, but we'd only ever really e-mailed. The whole thing was awkward and the whole time, I was wishing I was home reading a book or watching a movie. Forcing conversation was a pain in the butt and I would have rather danced with more than one guy. I came to find out that a few other chapter officers got away with not going, which, I wasn't happy about, but I'm wiser now.
Don't get me wrong, the dances are fun... when I go by myself or with a group of people. When I'm around guys, I shut up and let other, more experienced girls be the entertainment until something comes up that I can add to the conversation. Usually it's a one-liner or some other kind of joke and then I hand it back over to the people who know what they're doing.
Also, on a slightly related subject, I do have times when I wish I had a boyfriend. Then my head gets screwed back on right and I'm glad I don't. Here's what would happen, I guarantee: I would get a boyfriend and be all giddy and disgustingly cute for anywhere from a week to two months. Then, something would click and I would wish I wasn't dating anyone. I wouldn't say anything because I'm stupid that way and wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. In pretty much everything, if I'm uncomfortable with the situation, I clam up and hope it blows over so I don't hurt anybody. It's stupid and I really should speak up when I want something to change, but I don't. Anyway, he would end up hating the situation, I would hate it, we'd end up hating each other and then things would really hit the fan and I would wish that I had stayed home and watched a movie. If things were to get that bad when I was just dating someone, think of how much worse it would be if I got married *shudder*. No, it is better to stay as I am. I don't need these things to happen to know that they would happen. I just know how things escalate when there's more at stake. It's one thing to go home embarrassed after a one-time dinner date. It's another to go home broken in pieces over a long-term relationship
Bottom Line: Dating success is meant for people who enjoy dating. It's not for people who take it as a chore. There is only one reason to date and it's not for a free dinner or movie. When all you're getting is the lunchroom leftovers that are meant for the hogs, it's time to review what you're doing with your time. Let's face it: I could be re-reading all the Harry Potters or, like I'm doing now, pursuing my bachelor's degree, or watching "Lonesome Dove" on DVD. Life is rather open when your Friday evenings are free.
And, for it being Door #2, it's not a bad life.
Love from,
Jenny Wildcat
PS, Sorry for the long post. In my defense, it was a long drive.
Among the guests was my cousin's fiance. This particular cousin is a year younger than myself (this will come in to play later). I have to give her props; he's a pretty okay guy. They're slated to get hitched the day after Thanksgiving (talk about stress) and they're as twitterpated as all get out.
The only downside of this is that my sixteen-year-old brother has to start ragging on me about how I'm 21 and not married or even dating anyone or even looking to so much as go out for pizza with any of the male persuasion. It didn't help that my sister had to leave early for her own "hot date" with some kid from BYU-Idaho who she doesn't even care for, but she gotta be nice and help the poor kid out (probably a recently returned missionary that's still doofy around girls or something). So, my brother asks me, why don't I "just" ask some nice boy out.
Now, see where my brother is coming from: he's sixteen-years-old and has some little cheerleader batting her eyes at him and he's taken a girl to homecoming. All these little petite look-good-in-a-belly-shirt high school sophomores think his country "aw-shucks" humbla charisma is, ahem, Hot Stuff. I, on the other hand, haven't had a date for about seven months (a travesty at a Utah college, especially in a student ward) So, obviously, my brother is the Dr. Phil of dating and I am the fresh psychiatric meat. And the fact that I had little time to prepare a written statement to this interrogation didn't help me state my case. As always, the right words didn't come to me until I was barreling through Sardine Canyon at 10:00 pm and yawning my jaw off, but at least I can post them here:
I am a creature of comfort, and as such, I like to avoid anything that is going to potentially screw up how my life is going. Now, I see people dating and having fun and I go through periods where I wish I could get in on the action. Sometimes (very rarely) I do get in on the action and I can only describe my reaction to the even as that of someone waking up after a hangover - embarrassment, regret, confusion and the ever present desire the never, ever, ever, Ever Do That Again.
Dating is Just Not Fun for me. I don't know what the problem is, but I cannot just go out and have a good time with a mixed group of people where the guy-to-girl ratio just happens to be 1-to-1. There is that ever constant presence of the thought that "This one could be The One." I've tried to get rid of that, but I just can't, no matter how hard I try. A surefire way to ruin the evening is for my involuntary subconcious' annoying habit of constantly putting my first name with his last name. I've tried, but I can't relax in a group that contains guys, a few of which I kinda, sorta like.
The last time I went on a one-on-one date was in March. It was the IWA Girls' Choice Dance. I was sorta of under obligation, as an officer of my chapter, to get a date to set an example for the younger girls. So, I got a date with a guy that was kinda of a friend, but we'd only ever really e-mailed. The whole thing was awkward and the whole time, I was wishing I was home reading a book or watching a movie. Forcing conversation was a pain in the butt and I would have rather danced with more than one guy. I came to find out that a few other chapter officers got away with not going, which, I wasn't happy about, but I'm wiser now.
Don't get me wrong, the dances are fun... when I go by myself or with a group of people. When I'm around guys, I shut up and let other, more experienced girls be the entertainment until something comes up that I can add to the conversation. Usually it's a one-liner or some other kind of joke and then I hand it back over to the people who know what they're doing.
Also, on a slightly related subject, I do have times when I wish I had a boyfriend. Then my head gets screwed back on right and I'm glad I don't. Here's what would happen, I guarantee: I would get a boyfriend and be all giddy and disgustingly cute for anywhere from a week to two months. Then, something would click and I would wish I wasn't dating anyone. I wouldn't say anything because I'm stupid that way and wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. In pretty much everything, if I'm uncomfortable with the situation, I clam up and hope it blows over so I don't hurt anybody. It's stupid and I really should speak up when I want something to change, but I don't. Anyway, he would end up hating the situation, I would hate it, we'd end up hating each other and then things would really hit the fan and I would wish that I had stayed home and watched a movie. If things were to get that bad when I was just dating someone, think of how much worse it would be if I got married *shudder*. No, it is better to stay as I am. I don't need these things to happen to know that they would happen. I just know how things escalate when there's more at stake. It's one thing to go home embarrassed after a one-time dinner date. It's another to go home broken in pieces over a long-term relationship
Bottom Line: Dating success is meant for people who enjoy dating. It's not for people who take it as a chore. There is only one reason to date and it's not for a free dinner or movie. When all you're getting is the lunchroom leftovers that are meant for the hogs, it's time to review what you're doing with your time. Let's face it: I could be re-reading all the Harry Potters or, like I'm doing now, pursuing my bachelor's degree, or watching "Lonesome Dove" on DVD. Life is rather open when your Friday evenings are free.
And, for it being Door #2, it's not a bad life.
Love from,
Jenny Wildcat
PS, Sorry for the long post. In my defense, it was a long drive.
