jenny_wildcat | If you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it

During the Sociology class I take notes in, I seriously fell into a "funk." Basically, I felt like I was never going to get out of where I am and I don't particularly like where I am. I fell like I'm surrounded by the same boring set of people in the same situation that I have my whole life and that I'm going to be in this situation forever. And I don't want to be. I want to do extraordinary things - yet I don't want to compromise who I am. But who I am gets in the way of where I want to be and what I want to do.

Maybe I'm not realistic enough. The types of people I come in contact with on a daily basis annoy the crap out of me, yet I can't seem to surround myself with people that I'm not annoyed by. I have this image in my head of friends and family that I get along with perfectly, we all do the same things and we don't belittle each other. Of course that's not realistic! Duh!

I'm just tired of feeling like the only intelligent person in the room ("in the room" being a euphemism for people - strangers, acquaintances, bosom buddies - I am surrounded with). I know there are people around me who are just as smart, but I can't seem find them when I need them. What's worse, I'm afraid I won't like them when I finally do find them.

I guess that comes of a weekend spent on my own - I get that ugly "lonely" feeling. However, when I do get that feeling and I do go out and see other people, I come home feeling like "gosh - I never want to leave my house again!"

I hope I didn't offend anybody by this. It's not meant at any one person or group of people. Like I said, this is a "funk" I go through and it makes me second-guess a lot of really good decisions (i.e. I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't pursue the Masters program that I'm working on applying for - never mind the fact that I've felt really, really, REALLY good about it up until now). Hopefully it'll go away and I'll go back to ranting about politics, sports or what-have-you.

"Heroes" starts again tonight. Maybe that'll give me some material. The bad news is that it starts during the Colts-Dolphins game on Monday Night Football. I haven't been able to watch a Colts game at all this season (all two weeks of the season - yeah...) - we'll see how this works out. I have to cheer up somehow.