Something to Brighten Your Day!

I know I haven't updated in a while.  I started my job at Western Wats (I call people to do over-the-phone surveys and I get yelled at by people for interrupting their dinner.  It's amazing how some people don't want to be disturbed during dinner.  It's also amazing how facetious I can be).  Anyway, I found another parody that I wrote for the Disney version of "Sleeping Beauty".  This one is scores funnier than the one I did for my Edgar Allan Poe class and it was, again, inspired by jerrythefrogproductions.com.  I decided to write it because of all the Disney movies I've seen (which is many of them) "Sleeping Beauty" is my least favorite.  The whole story line bugs me and there really isn't much funny about it (maybe two scenes are really funny.  Three, if you count the end where Flora and Merryweather are messing with the dress again), so I decided to make fun of it with this:

Sleeping Beauty – Start Hacking the Foliage Already!
 

Gaudy Golden Storybook:

Yeah, so there’s this king and queen who had a great kingdom

King and Queen:

‘Sup 

Gaudy Golden Storybook:

And one day a daughter was born to them

King:

Let’s have a grand party to celebrate our prowess at procreation!

Kingdom:

Paaartay! 

Three Fairies:

We’re the guests of honor

Flora:

I make you look like a supermodel!

Baby Aurora:

*pretty*

Fauna:

I make you sing like an opera singer!

Baby Aurora:

*birdies chirping*

Merryweather:

I’ll make you think like a PhD!

Maleficent:

Hold it!  It’s waaay too early in the Disney franchise for that last one. I know! I’ll put an early life-ending curse on her that will force you to skip it altogether.

Flora:

Why’d you want to do that?

Maleficent:

Because I didn’t get an invite and there is NO party without me!  Bwah-ha-ha-ha! *disappears in green flames*

Strong, Brave Soldiers:

*Cringe in Fear*

King:

Oh, woe be to us.  Now all that copulation was for nothing

Queen:

Gee, thanks

Flora:

Never fear, Miss Brilliant Idea Machine is here

Fauna:

We’ll take her and hide her from the wicked witch

King:

Still don’t trust you with my firstborn.  I’d still better burn all the spinning wheels

Spinning Wheels:

*BURN*

Gaudy Golden Storybook:

So, the Three Good Fairies took the baby into a cottage in the forest and even changed her name. Like that’s gonna hide her for long

***
Pig Boy:

It doesn’t matter how all-powerful Maleficent is, she still has to rely on the ineptitude of her minions

Maleficent:

*FIRE*

Pig Boy:

*SIZZLE*

Maleficent:

I’m going to send my evil crow after the Princess since this is what I should have done in the first place

Crow:

Yesssss Maaaaaaahster…

***

Flora:

And here we are at the Princess’ 16^th birthday.  My how time flies when Uncle Walt’s running the script

Briar Rose:

Like, fer sure.  Like, what’s up aunties?

Fauna:

Erm…we need you out of the house

Briar Rose:

‘Kay!

***

Sleeping Beauty:

I sing and I sing and I sing and all the animals pay attention to me.  Like, I hope I’m not, like some progat—toprag—main character or, like, whatever

Owl:

That voice is mesmerizing

Rabbits:

If we're this easily distracted, we deserve to be shot and stuffed

Sleeping Beauty:

Like every sixteen year old, I, like, have to have some dreamy love interest, like fer sure

Squirrels:

*listening intently*

Sleeping Beauty:

But, like, my aunts are, like, soooooo mean and, like won’t let me see anyone 

Hamlet:

Get thee to a nunnery!

***

Prince:

Riding randomly around in the forest is what every future leader of a kingdom should do with his day.

Sleeping Beauty:

*singing*

Prince:

*180* 

Sleeping Beauty:

Like, the owl and the rabbits are, like, wearing this random hat and cape and, like, wow, their, like, my dream prince.  Watch me be coy

Prince:

That was my good hat!  Oh, right, charming act, let’s see…

Sleeping Beauty:

Ack! Sudden other person in the forest

Prince:

Hey, you’re hot!

Sleeping Beauty:

But I’m not supposed to talk to strangers 

Prince:

Screw that.  Let’s dance!

Sleeping Beauty:

‘Kay!

Owl:

Twue Wuv!

Prince:

So, babe, what’s your name?

Sleeping Beauty:

All of a sudden I, like, can’t stay anymore.  But I will tell you where I live

Horse:

All the carrots in the world can’t make me watch that display ever again!

***

Fauna:

Birthday celebration!  La la la, making cake!

Flora:

Pretty dress!

Merryweather:

This wasn’t in my contract.

Flora:

We’re nearly as stupid as the Princess

Merryweather:

Time for me to save this movie with this sequence of comic relief

Fauna:

But I’m allergic to humor!

Sleeping Beauty:

Oh, I’m, like, soooooo, surprised.

Sleeping Beauty:

By the way, I met this guy and, like, omigosh, I want to marry him!

Merryweather:

This could seriously screw up the monarchy

Sleeping Beauty:

But I donwanna be the princess!

Flora:

Too bad, pack your bags and let’s get moving! 

Sleeping Beauty:

I hate you all!  You’re ruining my life! 

Fauna:

Teenagers...

***

King:

I’m surprisingly confident that the Good Fairies haven’t married my daughter off or something

Short King:

Comic relief sequence #2!

Minstrel:

Can’t have an early Disney movie without someone getting discreetly drunk

Prince:

Dad, screw that marriage contract.  I’m going to completely mess up the kingdom by taking off with this hot and stupid peasant chick

Short King:

Nooooo!  I already put down the deposit for the country club!

***

Flora:

Here’s where we stupidly leave the Princess to wallow in her self pity

Fauna:

But we gave her a nifty crown

Merryweather:

This is why I’m in charge of giving out brains

Sleeping Beauty:

My life is, like, sooo over!  Ooooh! What’s that pretty light?

Maleficent:

That’s right, follow the pretty light!

Sleeping Beauty:

Pur-ty…

Spinning Wheel:

*POIT!*

Sleeping Beauty:

Oooooohh!  What does this button do? *Faints*

Maleficent:

I win!  Bwah-ha-ha-ha!

***

Prince:

Hmm… I’m here at the cottage, but no one’s home. 

Maleficent:

Can the Prince come out to play?

Prince:

This is what I get for mixing with blonde bombshells

***

Flora:

Let’s weep over the Princess’ dead body

Merryweather:

Oh come on!  I took care of this when she was a baby!

Fauna:

We’ve got to cover our tracks.  We’ve screwed up real bad this time.

Flora:

I know!  She’s asleep, so we’ll put everyone to sleep

Angelic Chorus:

Sleeeeeepiiiiiiiing Beeeeeeeautyyyyy…

Merryweather:

That’s getting really irritating, you know that?

Angelic Chorus:

Soooooryyyy…

***

Flora:

Oh, so it really wasn’t some lowlife peasant guy that she met

Merryweather:

Now we’ve screwed both kingdoms!

Fauna:

Three Fairies to the Rescue! 

Maleficent:

So here’s what the fairy tale is really like.  Hundred years, blah, blah, stupid knights can’t rescue princess, blah, blah, blah, lots of thorns, yadda yadda, and I am really pissing you off

Prince:

*Menacing stare and really dorky-looking attempts to get at Maleficent*

Maleficent:

I have successfully made the Prince a mute for the rest of the movie

Crow:

Thank the Lord above!

***

Merryweather:

Well, we made it to the bad guy’s castle

Minions:

Go Mally, It’s your birthday, Not really, Shake it anyway! 

Fauna:

Past the minions rain dancing and into the Prince’s dungeon

Flora:

Magic sword and shield make everything bad go away

Merryweather:

Escape! 

Minions:

Rocks!

Fairies:

Bubbles!

Minions:

Arrows!

Fairies:

Flowers!

Minions:

Acid potion! 

Fairies:

Rainbow!

Crow:

You morons!  I’ll get ‘em

Merryweather:

Not unless I turn you into a paperweight first!

Maleficent:

He was my best minion! 

Prince:

I’m at the thorns already?  That was a short trip 

Fairies:

Start hacking the foliage already!

Prince:

Oh, sword, right.  I thought I was just supposed to look heroic

Flora:

You know, he’s right.  We’ve been doing all the hard work so far

Maleficent:

Some cryptic incantation and I turn into…

Dragon!Maleficent:

ROOOOOOOAAAARRR *fire breathing*

Fauna:

Green fire?  What has she been eating?

Prince:

I absolutely suck at sword fighting.  Too many rides in the forest… 

Fairies:

We’ll throw in our own cryptic incantations and be the real heroes

Dragon!Maleficent:

Time for me to die in a clip that will come to signify Disney for the next fifty years

Sword:

And I become the religious symbolic relic for the franchise 

***

Prince:

When I’m King, I’m installing an escalator

Prince:

For all the hurry I took getting here, walking toward the Princess is surprisingly slow *SMOOCH* 

Sleeping Beauty:

I, like, live!

Fairies:

*Happy, Joyful, Celebration* 

***

Prince:

Meet the parents!

Sleeping Beauty:

I don’t know any of you, yet I am ready to be the next ruler 

Gaudy Golden Storybook:

And there was great rejoicing in the land

Flora:

Except for that stupid dress 

Merryweather:

Comedy and romance unite!

Angelic Chorus:

Ooooonce Upooooon Ahhhh Dreeeeeeaaam!

Gaudy Golden Storybook:

Would you cut that out!

Angelic Chorus:

Sooooo haaaard toooo fiiiiind gooooood woooooork theeese daaaays…

The End

Well, that was fun.  Now I have two papers and a French e-mail to send and a bunch of other French homework to do, so I'll close this up and let you get on with you day.

Love from,
Jenny Wildcat