Feb. 21st, 2011

I am grateful for Lortab.

This morning, I went to the dentist to have a tooth looked at that has been giving me problems for a long time.  I had a root canal in it a few years ago and I thought that was the end of it.  But turns out the sucker got reinfected, so I had to get it pulled and I'll have to get an implant in six months or a year - depending on how I feel about it.  As miserable as I am right now, I'll be glad when it's all healed up because it was giving me headaches and crap before.  For now, I'm doped up on Lortab and antibiotics and spending my Monday off watching the Doctor Who TV Movie DVD I bought over the weekend (I wish there was more Paul McGann as the on-screen Doctor - he was fantastic).

Over the weekend, I attended our stake's Women's Conference.  I almost didn't go because I was feeling so lousy about life and a few other things.  Just - you know - I'm not measuring up to other people's expectations for me and why isn't my success more visible.  Didn't help that on Friday, I spent a shopping trip with my mom and my sisters - including my married-and-pregnant sister whose entire topic of conversation with my mother was squicky pregnancy details and rehashing all the drama that accompanied her wedding (mother-in-law and dresses and all that crap).  Yeeeeeeaaahhh... I had nothing to add to that.  Nor did I want to.  It's not that I'm not excited about her having a baby and me getting to be an aunt - I just don't have any interest in that sort of stuff.  I don't even have any ideas for my own wedding and I never have.  Usually I'm perfectly content to not discuss those topics as they pertain to me because I'm working on school and I have a job that I enjoy and I have other things to occupy my mind.  But it would be nice if other people (certainly other family members) recognized that I'm having my own version of success and that I'm happy.

Back to the Women's Conference on Saturday - Dad noticed that I wasn't feeling too well that morning.  He suggested I go with him on a few errands and I ended up crying about what I just described in the previous paragraph.  Dad, being my awesome dad that he is, pointed out all the great things I've done and told me that he's not worried in the least about me and that I'm doing fine and other people have problems that have nothing to do with me even though I get caught in the crosshairs.  He said a few other things and I felt so much better.

During Women's Conference, the theme was "Count Your Blessings" and it was wonderful.  One of the speakers said something that really hit me hard.  I can't remember it exactly, but it was along the lines of the Lord gives us tender mercies to fit the conditions and particulars of our lives.  What is a miracle to one person might not be the same thing someone else needs.  So, someone could post some silly YouTube video on their Facebook page just to be funny and not think too much of it, but I could see it and it'll cheer me up after a really hard time I've been having and it somehow reminds me that Heavenly Father is still looking out for me (that happened once).

Okay, well I'm going to head back home now.  I just wanted to get that down for posterity.  Made me feel good, anyway :)



December 2011

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